“As long as you have life and breath, believe.  Believe for those who cannot. Believe even if you have stopped believing. Believe for the sake of the dead, for love, to keep your heart beating, believe. Never give up, never despair, let no mystery confound you into the conclusion that mystery cannot be yours.”    Mark Helprin, novelist, journalist, conservative commentator, from his book: A Soldier of the Great War, 2005

Boundaries That Matter  (How we can hurt rather than help our loved ones.)

As advocates we often have the challenge of learning how to support without getting entangled in family dynamics. One reason so many survivors of domestic abuse are isolated and lose contact with those who are their normal support network is easy to see once the dynamics of abuse are studied carefully.

The family network is often too deeply involved emotionally to give helpful or neutral support. Family members have likely seen the (bad) relationship evolve from the very beginning. Families are out of resources, having given all the ideas and empathy they have to give. They are tired and confused and just want to fix things (right now!) so everybody can just go home and relax. It is exhausting work seeing a difficult dynamic unfold within the family system.

The friend network is also likely to want to rescue inappropriately. Suggestions become either/or demands and often harm the friend relationship. Both of these networks are likely to want to control and/or rescue the person/s struggling in a relationship.

To understand the roles of the people surrounding the survivor, it is good to think of helpful and unhelpful categories. The helpful categories bring non-judgmental support and practical advice. Unhelpful categories become dysregulated influences, aiming to solve difficult dynamics in a very short amount of time. It takes time to learn and understand what is needed and how to show love patiently and unselfishly.  CL February 2026

‘Take it Down’ Act

“Creators and publishers of nonconsensual AI-created images, known as ‘deepfakes,’ will face stricter penalties going forward now that Congress has approved bipartisan legislation called the Take It Down Act. The bill not only covers AI images, but also nonconsensual intimate or sexual photos or videos, often referred to as ‘revenge porn’, “ announced Amanda Kippert with domesticshelters.org, in a May 2025 article.

“Ms Kippert went on to explain that “Abusive partners threaten to distribute sexual images as a tactic to exert control over their partners and ex-partners. In most states, these threats are considered a crime, even if the images were not actually distributed. The addition of AI makes revenge porn even easier to facilitate. Using easily accessible technology, victims’ faces can be superimposed onto a nude body that is not their own. It can appear they took part in explicit images or video, even if they never did.

Though women are most often the targets of revenge porn by male partners or ex-partners, new research says that teenage boys are at the highest risk of sextortion. In many cases, boys may find themselves talking to a stranger online, sometimes through a video game or in a chat room, who is posing as another teen. The boy shares an explicit image of himself, and the stranger then threatens to release it unless a sizable financial payment is sent, or another condition is met. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children reported they received more than ‘12,000 tips of financial sextortion of minors, mainly boys, between the start of 2022 and July 2023’.”  Domestic Violence Headlines for the Week of May 5 

 For additional information, see the article from the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network: https://rainn.org/federal-legislation/take-it-down-act/

MyNARA

MyNARA is a narcissistic abuse recovery app for those who are suffering in a romantic relationship with a narcissist.  It was developed by experienced mental health professionals and survivors of narcissistic abuse.  The MyNARA app enables victims to reclaim their lives with practical guidance and tools.  It offers features such as evidence storage, a red flag log, and a no contact tracker.  Please read reviews for both positive and negative aspects of the app.  WW

The 3-6-9 Rule

A popular, informal framework, not a scientific law, to help couples navigate early stages of a relationship to understand real compatibility. The 3-6-9 rule in relationships is a guideline suggesting major relationship steps (like commitment, moving in, or sex) be delayed until 3, 6, 9 months in, allowing the initial “honeymoon phase” chemical rush to fade, revealing true compatibility and potential deal-breakers through real-life challenges, moving from infatuation (3 months) to navigating conflicts (6 months) and assessing long-term viability (9 months).  It’s a pacing strategy to avoid rushing into big decisions and to ensure you see the “good, bad, and ugly” before committing deeply, acting as a mental checklist for phases like the conflict stage and decision-making stage.  This works best for real-life, in-person relationships, as opposed to long-distance and online only relationships. See U-Tube, Susan Winter, 3-6-9 Rule. WW

Scripture Verse

“A sensible person sees danger and takes cover; the inexperienced keep going and are punished.”

Proverbs 27:12  CSB