“For what it’s worth … it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be.  There’s no time limit.  Start whenever you want.  You can change or stay the same.  There are no rules to this thing.  We can make the best or the worst of it.  I hope you make the best of it.  I hope you see things that startle you.  I hope you feel things you’ve never felt before.  I hope you meet people who have a different point of view.  I hope you live a life you’re proud of and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start over again.”                   The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Let’s Talk to Our Teens

Do you remember Gabby Petito?  Gabby went on a road trip with her boyfriend.  She sent social media posts along the way.  Also, along the way, Gabby called the police and her responses to the police can be found online. Then she stopped posting.  Her boyfriend came home without her.  Her body was eventually found. The Gabby Petito Foundation posted this message on Facebook 10-21-25:  “Healthy relationships start with open conversations. Make time to listen, stay supportive, and help them feel safe coming to you, no matter what. It’s okay not to have all the answers; what matters most is showing up. If you notice signs of control, isolation, or fear, trust your instincts. Reach out for help. Together, we can teach our teens what love and respect should look like.”

Tech, Teens and Everyone

Tech safety things to think about when you are in, or exiting, an abusive relationship: I used to jump out of my skin every time my phone rang thinking it was my abuser. It was a huge relief to me to give him a certain ring tone so when it went off, I would know not to jump to go answer the phone or look at the text, until I was ready. 

Strongly consider having all emails be forwarded to a safe person to read through and see what you really need to know or respond to.  When replying to your abuser, be strict and firm on boundaries, responding with statements that are brief, informative, friendly (disarming) and firm. See BIFF responses by Bill Eddy.

Run antivirus checks to see if your abuser has hacked your computer or phone. Run advanced scans that will let you know if your computer or phone has unwanted programs on it. I-Phones can share contacts with people. Make sure this feature is turned off.

Consider getting a separate “burner” phone. Many DV shelters will offer Emergency Cell phones to survivors. Or call 211 to connect with other charities in your area that might also offer phones to DV survivors. Also consider a prepaid phone from Walmart or Best Buy etc.

From Face book 6/11/25:  Chat bots may seem like a private place to ask, “How do I get a restraining order?’ or “Can my abuser see my phone records?’ But under (a recent OpenAI) court order, queries like these can be retained, and could even be disclosed in court proceedings, potentially without survivors’ knowledge.

Read more from NNEDV’s Technology Safety Specialist, Belle Torek, in Tech Policy Press: For Survivors Using Chatbots, “Delete Doesn’t Always Mean Deleted”

Safety Apps- myPlan is a free app, offered in English and Spanish, to help those who may be experiencing abuse make safety decisions.  It’s private, secure, personalized and backed by research with domestic violence survivors involved every step of the way.

Decoy apps are designed to look like ordinary apps such as calculators, music players, or photo editors, but can be used to hide files and other content behind a password. They often maintain the appearance, and even some functions of the app they are mimicking, but a secret PIN or password unlocks a hidden compartment for private files like photos, videos, or messages.

Disable location and Bluetooth if possible; keep apps updated; only use 3G, 4G or 5G; keep yourself off shared or family plans; hide your location when you are setting up accounts.  Remember – it’s not about Divorce , it’s about Safety!        WW

For Female Senior Survivors

Heron Haven Shelter, in Kenmore, is for senior women who are community-minded, socially stable, and at or close to retirement age, with very low fixed income, with few or no behavioral health barriers. It is a 24/7 shelter with monitoring, a balanced living environment with the benefits of enhanced shelter services and a high degree of autonomy, trust, and independence. Operated and fully integrated with the Lake City Partners Shelter Services. Thomas@LakeCityPartners.org; or 206 629 5921;  https://lakecitypartners.org

Hand Gestures for Help

This is the universal hand signal for help.  Used with hand behind one’s back, this signals that the individual needs help.