“It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.” F. Scott Fitzgerald

Affirming/Validating Statements
When someone you love is going through abuse, sometimes all you can do is validate them. This is more powerful, actually, than you think. The more someone believes in themselves, the more they are built up instead of squashed down, the better they can figure out how to move ahead with their life. Here are some validating statements, courtesy of Northwest Family Life:
“You aren’t alone. I believe you.” “That sounds really scary. I’m so sorry you are going through this.” “You don’t deserve to be abused. You deserve to be safe.” “Your emotions are valid. It makes sense you feel this way after what you have been through.” “You aren’t too much. How can I and others support you right now?” “This isn’t your fault. No one should choose to abuse you.” “Nobody has the right to hurt you, even if they were angry.” “You aren’t being dramatic. What’s happening is real and your fears are valid.”
Do you or someone you know need help? http://www.northwestfamilylife.org; 206-363-9601

Lifespan Integration
We at CCSF have written about the body’s ability to keep trauma, anxiety and depression in the form of dysfunctional memories as protection from further relational harm. The body is so good at this ‘habit’ that we often relive trauma over and over, even if it’s just keeping small reminders of what has happened to us in our protective memory bank. This we know of as Post Traumatic Stress or the added ‘Disorder’ in its most severe form, PTSD.
As a response to the newly revealed understanding to the body’s retention of trauma, this is called Polyvagal Theory, created by Dr. Stephen Porges. This theory is an effort to understand how the body ‘keeps score’. This can happen even with the simplest, but still harmful, episodes which are stored in the memory bank part of the brain called the Hippocampus.
If your best friend completely dropped you at school in the 4th grade, this is a ‘minor trauma’ to our adult minds. However, if there was no one to talk this over with when you came home from school, this memory can fester and become embedded as the belief ‘I am not a good person’. Such a belief can influence how we do friendship and intimate relationships for the rest of our lives.
There are several therapy models that have been developed in recent years to address and clear these toxic and wrong beliefs. A few are EMDR, SIMS, and Lifespan Integration. This article is about the latter therapy, called LI.
I think it would be an underestimation to say this approach to therapy is effective. I have practiced this for years and heartily believe in its effectiveness. Clearing PTSD is one of its most amazing results. The process consists simply of using a memory list in its simplest form to change the perceptions of a younger self. The result is that the body understands that the trauma is over and that it lives in present time. As a result of LI, much clearing and reduction of traumatic memories can take place. It is also wonderfully effective with attachment issues. PTSD and other diagnoses hold wrong beliefs that the traumatic time is not over. Getting rid of the toxic waste of old harmful memories and replacing them with correct thinking is one of many great results of LI.
Many therapists at Northwest Family Life are being trained in this amazing therapy through a grant created by the director, Amber North. The link is http://www.nwfamilylife.org. CL

Book Review: You Won’t Believe What Your Child is Thinking, by Catherine Thorpe MA, 2019
Anyone who has a child, friend, partner or coworker knows someone with erroneous thinking. All humans are susceptible to leftover childhood perceptions, and young people are especially vulnerable to misinterpreting themselves based on their environments. Kids can believe they are responsible for their parents’ problems. This can mean something negative about themselves. Young children believe most of what others tell them and virtually all young people pick up misinformation at some point.
The goal of this book is to lighten life’s journey for young people by informing adults about what kids are actually thinking and offering effective ways for adults to help them. The text includes ways to discover what young people believe and provides methods for responding to kids’ misperceptions. It includes research that validates good parenting practices, skills for social success and reframing thoughts kids have about themselves. Helping children think correctly can change the course of their lives. ~ Amazon review with edits. CL
Reader review: “This book is so insightful and practically helpful; not only is it helping me understand and parent our children better, but it has great wisdom for me as an adult as well. Cathy makes a profound statement early in the book; she sees that adults moving towards youngsters in genuine, caring relationships is the primary way that kids come to believe ‘I am valuable’.”

Scripture Verse
“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.” Proverbs 31:8,9 NIV