“Hope whispers to us that tomorrow holds new possibilities, that every new day brings a fresh chance to begin again, to heal, to grow, to give and be forgiven.” Hopelakestevens.com, posted on Facebook 1-13-25

March is recognized as National Developmental Disability Awareness Month

Sexual Violence and People with IDD (Intellectual and/or Developmental Disabilities)
“Did you know that people with disabilities are targets for violence at rates 2.5 times (adults), 4 times (children) higher than people without disabilities? Did you know that up to 80% of women and 30% of men with DD have experienced sexual violence? And it is common for people with IDD to have experienced multiple victimizations throughout their lives. Most incidences of such violence go unreported and of those that are reported, very few offenders are held accountable.
In the vast majority of cases of violence against people with IDD, including sexual abuse and assault, the perpetrator is known to the victim, and often plays a role in providing support or care for the person they are harming.
It is important to remember that sexual violence can include a spectrum of unwelcome behaviors, from verbal harassment to physical assault. However, in cases where people are dependent upon others for help with tasks such as dressing, toileting, or bathing, those boundaries may be more likely to be tested or crossed. For example, there may be an increased likelihood that the abuse may “take the form of lack of respect for privacy and unwanted exposure during personal care routines.” [Sexual violence] takes on many forms, from inappropriate touching to “forced abortion, sterilization, or pregnancy and exploitation”.
Experiencing sexual harassment, abuse, or assault can have devastating impacts on a person’s physical, psychological, social, and spiritual well-being, and it is important to remember that no two people will respond in the same way. Survivors may experience headaches, gastrointestinal distress, changes in appetite, disruption of sleep habits, or increased risk of substance misuse or abuse. Psychologically, people may experience higher levels of anxiety and/or depression, suicidality, low self-esteem, or feelings of shame or guilt. Experiences of sexual violence can also impact a person’s social life and relationships. Survivors may struggle to form or maintain trusting relationships or may experience changes in their libido or sexual behavior.”
To see the entire article, see: https://pcar.org/resource/supporting-survivors-intellectual-developmental-disabilities-idd ) Parts of this article were originally included by CCFS in the May 2021 enews letter.

Co-parenting in the Trenches
One of the most difficult jobs we can have as parents is to protect our children. Water, fire, high places, danger from strangers and many other challenges are a parent’s nightmare. But I believe one of the most difficult dangers can be manipulation and misuse of one parent’s ‘right’ to coparent during a cantankerous/dangerous divorce. The abuse that was perpetrated on the other party is now long distance or second hand, and the most effective way to hurt the other partner is through the children. When this is the case, the defending partner can feel like he or she is pulled apart, confused and afraid.
At times like this, there are some parameters to consider, some guidelines and rules to follow that will help immensely. Also be mindful that it is good to remember there are multitudes of parents in the same boat, and it is often felt that the boat is rapidly sinking. A support group can be a support system during this time.
What is needed for the children, and in fact all parties, is a safe and healing environment in the home. Easier said than done, because a divorce or a legal separation is not a time of stability in any form. Finances are precarious, schedules are chaotic, emotions are running high, and a parent can be stretched way beyond the ability to cope.
It is very helpful to have a supportive community around the nuclear family. This is not always possible, but it is a worthy goal. Here are some guidelines to keep in mind and set your sites on:

1. Continue trying to create (or even create a sense of) safety and stability in all your efforts.
2. Building a support system is a critical goal, and if there are people in your life who will be supportive, make it a goal to educate them and keep them informed. (If ‘supportive people’ are not agreeing that you are in a true fight for the lives of your family members, move on from communication with them except at a bare minimum level.)
3. Validate, validate, validate the feelings of the children and also give yourself grace along the way.
4. Know that it has been said that one safe, loving adult in the life of a child can make all the difference in a life. You can be that person. This is beyond necessary for the mental health of your children.
5. Keep a thoughtful and calm approach to every unbelievable shenanigan the abusive partner tries. Without this, we can be that family that isn’t healed for many years after a contentious divorce.
   “Remember that with a sense of connection, and safe relationships within the family system, we can be a family that thrives.” CL
   
   Scripture Verse:
   “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139: 13, 14