“He who is not angry when there is just cause for anger is immoral. Why? Because anger looks to the good of justice. And if you can live amid injustice without anger, you are immoral as well as unjust.” Saint Thomas Aquinas

November, the month that celebrates Veterans. We are forever indebted to you.

Domestic Violence Among Veterans

A report published by the National Institute of Medicine, in an in-depth compilation of studies, states that intimate partner violence (IPV) is a global health issue that impacts both civilian and military populations. Factors associated with military service may result in increased risk of IPV perpetration among Veterans and Active Duty military personnel. Studies among Veteran populations reported consistently “higher prevalence estimates compared to AD (active duty) personnel.” Many explanations for this are offered in the above report.

In 2013, according to the US Department of Veterans Affairs, “military service has unique psychological, social, and environmental factors that may contribute to elevated risk of IPV among active duty service members and Veterans. Multiple deployments, family separation and reintegration, demanding workloads at home and while on duty, histories of head trauma, mental illness, and substance abuse can contribute to partner conflict and elevated risk of IPV among active-duty servicemembers, Veterans, and their intimate partners.”

An article from domesticshelters.org, in December of 2016, offers quite a few statistics about abuse in military families. Related specifically to veterans: “Male combat veterans who suffer from PTSD are two to three times more likely to abuse their female partner than veterans not suffering from PTSD. About 33 percent of combat veterans with PTSD report having been aggressive with their intimate partner at least once in the previous year. About 91 percent of combat veterans with PTSD reported being psychologically aggressive with their intimate partner in the previous year. A bit of good news from this 2016 article: Federal law mandates dependent support be offered to the survivor when a servicemember is discharged from the military due to an abuse offense. Support is remanded for up to 36 months, depending on length of service. A spouse is entitled to a monthly payment if his or her spouse is discharged from the military because of an abuse offense. The discharged servicemember is also responsible for paying $301 monthly per child. LK

BODY WORK, Overwhelming the overwhelmed system – with kindness

When the body has received a shock, it goes into a kind of frozen mode, as if it is waiting for normalcy to return. When the whole system, body, mind, emotions, soul and spirit, receives a shock, the same thing happens, and it is often recognized by what can be called ‘overwhelm’. The most noticeable reaction is from the emotions and the mind which move into survival mode. It is not often considered that the body is also in survival mode because, thank God, it just seems to keep on functioning without any noticeable disruption.

We recognize this shock state as a period of time when we grieve, we groan, we cry, we often shut ourselves away and, above all, we try to ‘get through it’. Friends are there for us to a certain extent, but in reality, there is little they can do when tragic loss hits us. It is like our very membranes feel shredded and irreparable.

I often see this when families are torn apart by divorce, abuse or the sudden death of a loved one brings the client to the counseling room. Talking, though needed, is often a poor substitute for what will really help create full healing and restoration. Prayer and scripture promises are a wonderful boon, and yet something is truly damaged and broken; the person feels beyond fixing.

I think there are some things we can offer as healing people of God. Suggestions for tending to the body can seem beside the point: after all, there are few immediate solutions to immediate needs. This is why knowing some self-compassionate tools are excellent for self-care. I call it body work, and it is recognizing that our bodies are going through the overwhelm also. The body carries the pain as fully as the heart and mind and emotions. Just because our heart doesn’t stop or our brain doesn’t rupture when terrible things happen, we assume all is well and that it’s just the intangibles that need to be treated.

Treating the body before it collapses – this is very real because it will register the impact of tragedy and trauma sooner or later – is almost something we have to force ourselves to do. But what if we started by saying to our body: ‘it’s going to be ok, we are safe now; let’s just breathe’? Sounds silly? Sounds like we are missing the point? What is the point anyway? To start with, we are whole creatures, and our body is a huge part of who we are. So be aware that your body is experiencing anything your mind, soul, and spirit is, and needs loving attention.

To be continued next month with Grounding Steps…. October 2024 CL

Northwest Family Life

Congratulations to Northwest Family Life on their 35^th Anniversary! Their mission is to assist individuals and families in finding hope and healing when facing the pain of domestic violence, trafficking, trauma and related issues. They are a non-profit learning and counseling Center based in the greater Seattle area, with a three-pronged approach to ending domestic violence: advocacy, intervention, and preventions. Congratulations also to Dr. Nancy Murphy, recently celebrated with a Lifetime Achievement Award. Dr. Murphy served as Executive Director at NWFL for 32 years.