“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” Nelson Mandela

What does freedom mean to you? We all have an idea about what freedom means in our country, and on a global scale. We are taught in school about the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and laws in this country. We also learned some laws from other countries. Laws in some countries deprive its citizens of freedoms that we consider rights and freedoms in the United States. Social media does a lot to highlight struggles for freedom, here and abroad.

For many, freedom is when they leave a dangerous or soul damaging situation. Freedom on a personal scale, in our culture and behind closed doors, means sometimes something very similar. It means being able to speak one’s mind without fear of put-downs and criticism. It means being safe from abusive and dangerous behaviors. It means being able to go to a grocery store without having to account for each item purchased and the gas to get you to and from; being able to sleep through the night without being awakened to the demands of your partner; it means being able to invite family and friends to your home; being able to make decisions that work for you and the children; it means not having to ride with a maniac at the wheel, who is reminding you who has the power; it means not having to wear clothing or sun-glasses to hide bruises.

Another perspective, and one we need to learn to be truly free, is that there are choices to be made, especially at the initiation of a new relationship. We are free to make good choices or bad ones. Even when we make not-so-good choices, we are still free to do the next right thing, even in difficult circumstances. It may be a long time to be able to see daylight in our lives, but we are free to begin again. And no matter how much pain we’re in, there is still tomorrow. Our happiness does not solely depend on other people! LK & CL

First Steps To Freedom

The very first step to your own personal freedom, according to Shawn Richard-Davis, local author, is to LOVE yourself, or learn to. And then to BELIEVE you are created in GOD’s image. Then, ACCEPT no abuse or mistreatment in intimate relationships. Abuse is Never acceptable, period. Not from anger, not from intoxication, not from a really bad day, abuse is never acceptable. Then KNOW the warning signs of abusive behavior and don’t ignore them. Then CONFIDE in someone you trust who will support you. A friend, a relative, a teacher, a pastor, an advocate at a DV agency. Another first step, GOOGLE domestic violence resources in your local area. If you suspect your phone or laptop or desktop is not safe, go to the library or to your confidant’s home and do your Google search. CREATE a personalized safety plan. Do not print it out unless you are absolutely sure the safety plan will not be found by the abuser. And always, anytime, CALL 911, if you are in danger of being harmed. SRD & LK

Shawn Richard-Davis, author of Setting Aside Silence (One Word at a Time), available now on Amazon.com.

Freedom from Spiritual Abuse

A Facebook post from DomesticShelters.org/Domestic Violence Advocate Community on February 29, 2024 featured a Spiritual and Religious Abuse Wheel. The template may have been adapted from the Duluth Model. The eight sections include 8 ways a perpetrator can use spiritual truths to abuse:

1. Asserting Authority: misusing Scripture, traditions, or cultural norms to impose gender roles that are abusive or coercive …
2. Prolonging Abusive Relationships: misusing Scripture, etc. to encourage you to forgive abuse, to prolong an abusive relationship, to excuse or minimize …
3. Isolation: isolating you from your faith community by not allowing you to participate in services or events …
4. Using Community Coercion: working through clergy or lay leaders or friends or family from your faith community, to put pressure on you to stay in the relationship or put up with abuse…
5. Blaming the Victim: misusing Scripture, etc. to blame you and justify abuse because you are sinful, … unclean …
6. Restricting Access to or Use of Health Care: misusing Scripture, etc. to force you to forego regular checkups and medical care…
7. Using Children: misusing Scripture etc. to coerce or force marriage for teens, to value male over female children …
8. Controlling Sexuality and Reproduction: misusing Scripture etc. to force you to have sex or unprotected sex, to deny or force family planning…

The Duluth Model wheels are powerful teaching tools in multiple languages. This specific wheel could be used in a variety of settings.

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Scripture Verse

“I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries …” Jeremiah 3:8

(CCSF believes in the sanctity of marriage as a sacred covenant. But sometimes when the vows have been broken and one partner is not safe in the marriage, a divorce must happen. In fact, God gave Israel her certificate of divorce. He loved Israel. It broke his heart to break relationship with her. He did everything He could do to convince her to love Him.)