“Nothing is more important than empathy for another human being’s suffering. Nothing. Not career, not wealth, not intelligence, certainly not status. We have to feel for one another if we are going to survive with dignity.” Audry Hepburn

Why Advocacy is Essential for the Abused

One of the universally hard issues about changing your life when you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship is explaining or describing what it was like in terms that make sense to people who don’t get it. This is why there are advocates in many helping organizations, and available at all the courts. Their job is to give assistance from an objective point of view, which may not be possible with friends or family members.

Here are some comments I have heard. “I am being put down, ridiculed, called stupid all the time.” “He doesn’t hit me or the kids but….” “I have cried myself to sleep countless times.” “I live in constant fear.” These are surely strong reasons to need advocacy and help, but it isn’t easy for the uninformed listener to grasp hold of the real situation. It is like you are explaining being locked up inside a foul container, and you are describing the bolts, the lock, the air, the walls, the muffled noises outside, your fears, your helplessness, etc. This is why so many people cannot relate and why they often say ‘why don’t you just leave?’.

With an advocate, you can learn a better way to explain your position and the abuse. Perhaps you learn to describe the concrete facts of what you have experienced. Apart from the ugly manipulative comments from the abuser, what does he actually do? For example: ‘I had to account for every penny I ever spent’; ‘my children couldn’t go to the doctor’; ‘he drove 90 miles an hour when he was mad’; ‘he destroyed my mother’s fine China’; ‘he threw away my child’s favorite toy’; ‘he woke me up at 2 am often because he didn’t like the way I loaded the dishwasher; ‘he talked to my close friends and told them lies about me being unfaithful….’

Even though some of this behavior could possibly be explained, when you can paint a picture with solid red flags of psychopathy and mental derangement, your case and the plea for understanding become much stronger. Not that every person will understand, but these cold hard facts make a compelling case.

It is also true that judges and lawyers like ‘just the facts’ much better than a stream of emotional reactions and feelings (valid though they may be), and that is where advocacy makes a world of difference. CL 2-9-24

Local Author Writes from Experience

Thank you South Seattle Emerald newspaper for getting the word out about Setting Aside Silence, (One Word at a Time). This “faith-based, interactive book for domestic violence survivors and their families” is by local author and advocate, Shawn Richard Davis. This important book includes “words, definitions, and quotes from the Bible to provide survivors with the language to describe their realities, so they can identify their experiences as abuse and seek help”. It is available on Amazon for $17.95.

Do You Know about Providence Intervention Center for Assault and Abuse?

PICAA has a team of advocates, forensic nurses, nurse practitioners, counselors, and social workers who provide services to anyone impacted by physical, emotional, or sexual violence. This includes individuals who have been sexually assaulted; have experienced physical assault; children who have been abused, neglected, or endangered; individuals who have experienced relationship violence (also known as intimate partner violence or domestic violence); trafficked individuals; abused and neglected elders and vulnerable adults; and family, partners, and friends who are looking for resources, guidance or who need support themselves. PICAA medical and advocacy services are offered 24/7 at emergency departments throughout Snohomish County. They also have a 24-hour advocacy line, 425-252-4800. For additional information and resources, see: http://www.providence.org/PICAA

Save the Date! Refuse to Abuse Game Day

After much consideration, WSCADV (Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence) has decided to bring their 5K era to a close. On Sunday, June 16 (Father’s Day!) they will debut a new event, the Refuse To Abuse Mariners Game Day! WSCADV says to stay tuned for information on how to buy tickets! WSCADV also reports that over the past 12 years of 5K’s of running, walking, and wheeling, over $1 million was raised for domestic violence prevention statewide. WSCADV expresses their deep gratitude for all those involved during the 5K era.

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day is June 1. The date is intended to raise awareness about the effects and signs of narcissistic abuse. According to an article from mayoclinic.org, “Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism.” To see the entire article, see: Narcissistic personality disorder – Symptoms and causes – Mayo Clinic.

Scripture Promise

This is what God tells us: “The Lord Himself goes before you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV