“Not all healing is the responsibility of the person who is hurt. There is profound healing in someone defending them, protecting them, removing others from having access to them. There is power in being one who uses their voice to protect those who are too tired to say it again.” Northwest Family Facebook post, 10/26/23, by @nate_postlethwait

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

5 stages of Abuse: Teach your teens to avoid toxic relationships

In an article by Sarah McDugal, in Christianpost.com, at the very minimum, one in three girls and one in six boys will experience a traumatic, abusive relationship that includes sexual assault and domestic violence, even inside the faith community. While so many find themselves gradually consumed by painful, life-shattering, soul-destroying relationships, your teen does not have to be one of them. Learning the five stages of abusive relationships while they are young can prevent tremendous heartache and even injury when they are older. What your teen needs to know, more than how to play a sport or perform on an instrument or even how to ace a college exam, is how to recognize the five stages of an abusive relationship.

1. The crack that gets you hooked: The flirting, the fun, the attraction. It’s when everything seems perfect and too good to be true. He’s giving the attention you crave.
2. The affection that fakes a bond: Two types of fake bonding often occur in abusive relationships. The first is intense physical connection. The second faked bonding is the super spiritual bonding.
3. The withdrawal that makes you insecure: This is where the abuser in the relationship starts to pull away. For women especially, it may come naturally to internalize these self-blaming messages from childhood.
4. The manipulation that gets you to take the blame: In an abusive relationship, everything is transactional and manipulative. “You give me this, I’ll give you that.” Love cannot exist in a transactional environment.
5. The cruelty that makes you think you deserved it: Unfortunately, this final stage is where most people assume that abuse starts. But the abusive dynamic has been in place since the beginning. Now it’s overtly visible to outsiders.

Culture tells us that this is how we do relationships: We confuse conflict with passion. We confuse vacillation with romantic chase. We confuse loyalty with lack of boundaries. We confuse connection with infatuation. These messages, deeply ingrained, leave you willing to sacrifice any part of yourself, and erase your God-given identity, in attempts to get the good stuff back. Knowing the signs of these five stages in advance can help you have a sense of protection and courage so that when you see these things happening, you know you deserve respect, boundaries, communication, trust, and most of all safety.

To read the entire article: https://www.christianpost.com/voices/5-stages-of-abuse-teach-your-teens-to-avoid-toxic-relationships.html

Do you know about Eastside Academy?

Eastside Academy is an alternative Christian high school that offers a holistic and integrated support system for students who need more than the traditional high school experience. Eastside Academy offers education, counseling, recovery, life-skills, and housing, in a faith-based environment that helps high school age students heal and thrive. For more information, please see: https://eastsideacademy.org

When Your Teen or Young Adult is Abusive

Domestic abuse can take the form of a teenager or adult child abusing a parent. As with all domestic abuse, power and control are at the core.

In an article from domesticshelters.org, (By Stephanie Thurrott, July 27, 2022) we are reminded that young children who act aggressively toward a parent may exhibit these actions especially if family relationships are strained. For some children, as they learn better coping skills, aggressive behaviors may drop off. But for others, the behaviors can continue into adulthood. We are also reminded that “adult children are often adept at exploiting their parents’ weaknesses”. Teens, being hormonal and fighting their way into adulthood, may have many rude behaviors. But Karen Roberto, PhD. (see full article for her background) says to “look at how they’re treating themselves, others in the family, objects and pets”. She goes on to say that “we need to not ignore signs or attribute problematic behaviors as just part of being a teen’s life… Sometimes there are mental health issues that, if attended to earlier, can be managed in a much better way”. And “children who have been victims of domestic violence (living in the same household with DV also makes them victims of DV, CCSF input) may begin to mimic abusive behaviors. If abusive behavior continues unheeded into early adulthood, for whatever reason it stems from, it often escalates. There are things that parents can do if a child, teen, or young adult exhibits aggressive/abusive behaviors:

* Identify unacceptable behaviors and set consequences, at the earliest signs of abuse.

* Allow an expression of emotions within an acceptable range of behaviors.

* Connect the child with professional help.

* Seek counseling or therapy for yourself as well.

* Talk to the juvenile systems in your area.

* Call the police, if necessary. (Sometimes that is the only way to get the help your child needs, when your own efforts have not been successful. LK)

* Contact Adult Protective Services, if you are 60 or older.

* Create a safety plan.

Please see the entire article at: What to Do If Your Teen or Adult Child Is Abusive (domesticshelters.org)